PTSD or CPTSD, it’s going to be the same for all us SURVIVORS. When you finally find a new job to give a part of your wonderful self to it’s going to be very hard not to overcompensate for the existence of the not-so-wonderful elements of your ‘Self’. Putting yourself into the highest gear you can physically tolerate to drive in the opposite direction of living with your PTSD will only cause your nervous system to splutter and come to a stop.
I exist as a sort of super-human woman who has both male and female strength of mind, body and presentation. My vulnerability is not the normal cliché of female inability. My vulnerabilities have been human-made through my life experiences.
Shit… it’s f’ing hard. Not usually my beautiful public school education lingo, but it’s far from ‘jolly hockeysticks darlings’. For the 8th morning in a row, my little 4 year old boy was afraid, scared, terrified about going to school.
Not all women succumb to the calling of Mother Nature to find our mate for life and make babies. My friend and I did though, with bells and whistles. Maternal instinct and a need to make sure that our children never have to grow up with the same trauma we had to turns our lives inside out and upside down.