When you’re a CPTSD warrior and you have to cope with your ASD traits whilst trying to be the best mummy/wifey/friend you can be, life calls for the constant companionships of angels and guides. Angels… I will come to another time. Guides however, these are living or dead people who have either (a) bravely written about their journeys as part of their healing process and with the hope that they can help a fellow warrior, or, (b) studied CPTSD, ASD, parenthood, childhood or marriage and have a vocation in life to transpose their research and results for others to self-psychoeducate at their own pace without judgement or pressure.
My latest read is authored by a fellow CPTSD warrior who I have followed on Instagram for a few months now.
When the first line of the book’s Introduction starts with:
House blowing up builds character. – Deadpool
… you know you have found something special. Ha!
John and his wife Mel have poured their blood, sweat and tears into creating awareness through this book and supporting CPTSD and PTSD survivors. AND IT SHOWS (especially through John’s awesome Aussie characteristics).
The book takes you through John’s journey (he’s now in his 50s). He courageously reveals the horrific origins of his PTSD and the impact it has had on his marriage, children and livelihood. He takes the reader through his rebirth through deep and intense therapy and his process of re-focusing his life: relationships, physical and mental wellbeing, God. At the end of each chapter Mel adds her own thoughts and experiences, which is an indication of the dedication she has to John and his journey and that they are an unbreakable unit of love, power and support.
You can really feel yourself ripening/coming of age/rebirthing as you read the book. You are told and re-told throughout that you are RESILIENT, because that is how you have survived. The survivor is encouraged over and over to change, re-focus, re-cast, re-feel, cut out ALL negativity… then celebrate victory and HAPPINESS that naturally WILL follow.
A major revelation for me was the research work John undertook on how the brain experiences trauma – the physiological changes that will change your logical process functions. Bigger than that though were the findings around the heart’s physiological affects of trauma. The heart experiences the trauma simultaneously with the brain, however stores the emotional reaction and therein lies the disconnect with the memory forever more as it is split between brain (logic) and heart (emotion). So naturally one of my favourite parts of the book was discovering I now have SUPERPOWERS due to my heightened awareness caused by changes in my brain physiology! Yes! I just thought I was a super agent cat woman with 9 lives all these years!
Tougher parts of the book deal with bitterness and forgiveness. What I love is that you can still say ‘FUCK NO’ to forgiving if you want to, even though most sources on recovery will advise you cannot move on without it. It’s also a tough home truth to think about the consequences of your CPTSD/PTSD on those around you and how it can truly affect relationships with loved ones. Thinking about the future is also very overwhelming when the day-to-day is often so hard. However, John is quite subtle about this matter and turns the issue on its head by reinforcing you from the soul-side by talking about having visions and dreams, which made me smile more than feel as daunted or panicked as I might.
You got to dream again, you have to. You are dying on the inside….. I know you, and if you are not preparing for tomorrow, you’ll end up dying one day at a time. Life is a fight, get back in the ring, tuck your chin and throw punches. – Dr John A. King, p.215, #DEALWITHIT
#DEALWITHIT injects my soul with hope, encouragement and empowerment.
John’s raw and open honesty, together with his research and lessons learned shows monumental courage and stamina. Mel’s input and presence in the book was so comforting and proved to me my husband’s value and role in my journey too.
#DEALWITHIT is easy to read, digest and in your face at times, but only ever in a positive way to benefit the CPTSD survivor.
I wrote 2 pages of affirmations at the end of the book, which I dive into daily/nightly (if you want a copy just leave me a comment). The pages of the book are tabbed like crazy with my notes. I felt SAFE and AT HOME in John and Mel’s company whilst I was reading their words, and feel like we are long lost members of the same tribe.
What is even more incredible and fills my heart and soul with joy and hope is that John and Mel are in touch with their tribe personally, whether they are survivors of wars, child sexual abuse, and so on. I have had that honour of receiving video messages from them both and messages, as have many who have been in touch with them on Instagram (@drjohnaking). It has meant the world to me. That’s LOVE, LOVE for strangers and kindred spirits. LOVE for the lost, who are now found.
This is honestly the best book on CPTSD/PTSD I have EVER read. John and Mel’s words are inspirational. The book will be a companion by my side FOREVER. This book should be read by all survivor-warriors and those who love and live with them.
Visit Dr John A. King’s website for more information about the work they do for CPTSD/PTSD and buy the book while you’re there: https://www.drjohnaking.com